i could spend an afternoon recalling the phone call with my husband’s girlfriend’s husband. (a sentence i never in a million years thought i would write) but i’ll save that for my mom and my girlfriends and cocktails. many many cocktails.
this poor dumb husband. he was me just a couple of months ago. clueless. shocked. horrified. sick. angry. hurt. devastated. his world is imploding.
i know what you’re thinking. i should have told him.
i should have told him months ago.
i wanted to. i knew his name. all my shady investigative skills uncovered his phone number and address and work place. i could’ve called. or texted or emailed or messaged him on facebook. i didn’t.
i thought about him. every time she posted a pic on instagram with him, my heart broke. poor dumb clueless husband. but i stayed quiet.
i told myself many things to justify not reaching out. the first thing is something i ask myself before making any moves in this divorce…”is this good for my kids?” telling this man would incite rage in my husband. and when he’s mad…we all suffer.
i was also just trying to survive. trying to remember to breathe. i couldn’t take my focus off my home and my kids and myself for this stranger. i didn’t have enough bandwidth for him. i had to think about my people. my people only. it’s all i had room for.
the last reason i had is…almost too difficult to admit. but this is a safe place, right? i didn’t tell him because i thought that it’s possible that this woman will be in our lives for some time. telling her husband could make her hate me. and if she hates me…then maybe she’d take it out on my kids. please god. please oh please oh please god…
…don’t let this woman ever get near my kids.
i didn’t tell him then. but i told him everything i knew yesterday. and i’ve been a heaping pile of depression ever since. so…i know i did the right thing by waiting. i was too fragile then. but i’m still sorry. i’m sorry for him.
poor stupid husband.