my kids have been gone for the past 9 days. 9. days. it’s the longest i’ve ever been apart from them. they flew all the way to phoenix by themselves to spend some time with my family. i, you see, am in no condition for (mostly) anything. so i stayed behind.
on the way to pick them up from the airport today, i thought back to the past week. if you had asked me how i spent the time i would’ve told you i did nothing. nothing at all for 9 whole days. but as i dissected the time in my mind i realized it wasn’t nothing. (okay, it was mostly nothing.) but there were some somethings sprinkled in too.
i went to the gym a handful of times. i dog sat for a neighbor. i had drinks with some friends. i had a sleepover with some other friends. i wrote a couple blog posts. i did laundry and ironed. i went shopping. went to a funeral. got a massage. started the keto diet. (holy hell it’s hard.) and i watched a massive massive amount of tv.
oh, and i thought about my future.
it’s the thing i grieve about the most. our future is gone. he killed it. i cried about next christmas and the boys’ weddings. i grieved for the trips we won’t take and the memories we won’t make. i ached for my dreams for this family. the ones that died with his affair.
i guess i didn’t do nothing for 9 days. there were some somethings sprinkled in too.